Coaching That Goes Both Ways

Peer-to-peer coaching forms leaders through curiosity, collaboration, and trust

In the fall of 2022, I found my way into the Gather Network - or, perhaps better described, the Gather Network found me. As I was starting what would eventually become Gather Austin, the Gather Network offered me the opportunity to be coached by a Gather leader in the network. That’s how I met Sam. At that time, Sam was one of the Co-Chairs of the Gather Network, as well as one of the Co-Leaders of Gather Pikes Peak in Colorado Springs, in addition to her normal day-job. Impressive, I know. She coached me throughout the fall of 2022 and into the spring of 2023, a pivotal time for us as we dreamed up Gather Austin, launched it, and had our first series of meetings.

Coaching was not new to me – but most of my experience with it was in the context of sports. Mentorship was not new to me either – as I was and am blessed with mentors who have shaped my life and life of faith since childhood. But this kind of coaching and mentorship was new, since it was peer-to-peer coaching. Sam used her experience with Gather Pikes Peak to help me build and lead Gather Austin. She became a partner in ministry in a beautiful way, offering me her wisdom without asking me to follow her template. Listening to me share my hopes and longings, and asking questions to dive deeper. Providing resources when I asked, and becoming a partner in prayer as the Holy Spirit stirred in both of us and our Gather communities.

This peer-to-peer mentorship is one of the greatest gifts of the Gather Network, and one that I feel so privileged to have been shaped by. When Sam invited me a year or so later to become a Gather Mentor myself, I couldn’t say yes fast enough. Through my mentees, I have a window into Gather communities stirring up the lives of faith of young adults in Oregon, Illinois, and Pennsylvania. I hope I can be for them a sliver of who Sam was for me.

And… the joy of coaching in this way, peer-to-peer, is that I feel like I learn just as much from those I coach as I hope they learn from me! I have been stewarding Gather Austin with various co-leaders for over 3 years now, and at times, I can be pretty stuck in the way that we have always done things. It is comfortable. It is familiar. When I meet with those I coach and hear about all the great activities, events, and opportunities they are doing, I am shaken out of my own rhythm. New ideas come to mind, things I could never have thought of myself in the first place. It is collaborative, as well as reflective. It is conversational, as well as practical.

I have seen how the coaching work through the Gather Network permeated over into different parts of my life and ministry. Young adults within my own Gather site have reached out for 1-1 time to meet, as did young adults I worked with while serving part time at a campus ministry. A few times, when I have sat down with various young adults over coffee, often just to check in and catch up, I have found us shifting into more of a coaching conversation. One person I set up time with to check in ended up being a conversation about discernment for what is next - opening up space for me to share about my own discernment for ministry, for moving across the country for graduate school, and coming home. I paused after a long tirade of me talking, and apologized for taking up space rather than curating it to listen to her. She said to me earnestly, “Please don’t apologize, I wish I was taking notes on what you were saying!” I felt humbled that my story could impact where she was in life around discernment.

That is one of the many gifts of coaching - space that moves from casual check in, to deep conversation for learning and growth. Not to simply share my own accomplishments for the sake of being commended, but to offer my story as an example to someone in a transition. To reflect on and share about what I would have done differently in the hopes that the other person can glean from my mistakes.

Coaching is a medium unlike any other. It becomes a collaborative space that I have walked away feeling changed from, encouraged by, and transformed through both as a coach, and as one being coached. It fits especially with young adults who are tired of being lectured at and told what to do, and rather seek third spaces for collaboration and partnership. The accountability helps, too, knowing that a coach will have another time set up to check in on how the discussion points from a session are being worked on. Not in judgment to have them completed ASAP like an assignment, but through loving and sound encouragement.

Coaching young adults as they seek to discern the call God places on their lives and as they seek to find spaces of belonging is one of the greatest gifts of my ministry life. Whether through the Gather Network or beyond, whether with individuals discerning seminary or living out their faith in secular professions, whether in structured or organic ways, I am grateful for peer-to-peer support and space to be curious, to ask good questions, and to offer encouragement.

Coaching is not about having the right answer. Coaching is not about replicating what has worked for one individual to others. Coaching is not a platform to highlight all of one’s victories and accomplishments. Instead, it is a way to come alongside another person to wonder, dream, offer resources, share encouragement, pray, and hold them accountable. Young adults are hungry for this. And, if my story is any testament, when young adults are coached with intentionality, amazing things can happen.

Here at the 787 Collective, we are privileged to walk alongside young adults in ministry, and we hope we offer them coaching that feels fruitful and energizing. We are amazed by what the young adults we work with are up to. Often, all it takes to begin to hear about their dreams and hopes is to listen – to care – and to offer encouragement and resources. The rest is in their hands, and there are no better hands to be in.